margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
