so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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