Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
