omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
