you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
