GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
