Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
