Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
