I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
