Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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