saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
