Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
