well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
