thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
