All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
