whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
