whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
