sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
