I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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