this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
