on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
