Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
