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he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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