we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
