She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
