That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
