My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
