I could make wine with my vomit
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Found the puke drawer
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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