she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
