There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
