I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
