What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
