WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
