I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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