the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I will be naked everywhere
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
