the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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