Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
