this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
