I got chris browned last night
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
