she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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