Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
