There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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