And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
