when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
