You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
