I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
