2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
