Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
