JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
