if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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