god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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