mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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