i already hear my dad disowning me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
