Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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