Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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