You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
