I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
