it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
